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It’s only natural to want relationships to be mutual and fair. And often we will only match what the other is also offering. But we remain free to offer the best of ourselves even when others do not.

Fairness and mutuality are good things to pursue.

But we should never become a slave to fairness – limiting ourselves only to what is equal and fair.

In fact, a large part of our maturity is doing many things that are not fair.  And this includes becoming the man God has called us to be.

For instance, it’s not fair to still do the right thing even when cheating has become the accepted norm for everyone else.

Nor is it fair to take the risk in sharing our heart and desires when others are not doing the same.

And certainly love is not fair as it doesn’t keep score.

But even as Christ died for us while we were still sinners, we remain free to offer ourselves even when it’s not fair.

And this freedom is truly freeing.

While much of life is outside of our control, we’re still free to be the best version of ourselves in every moment. And no one can take this from us.

For example, even in sex, we can commit to offering the best of ourselves even if our wife shows up with less than desirable motivations. Our expression of love does not depend on hers.

To be sure, these expressions come much easier when they are shared mutually. But again, our maturity does not depend on this mutuality.

And we only shortchange our freedom when we expect everything to be so.

Embrace your freedom to be the best you even when it’s not fair.

Photo by Surajit Das on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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