Of course, we can do many things simply because we’re told to do it. And this generally leads only to temporary compliance rather than lasting transformation. True transformation requires more than merely appeasing others externally; it requires an internal shift and motivation to change as well.

For example, our boss might pay us to do a job. But we’re probably only doing minimum coverage unless we’re also sold on the mission of the company. Or we might be motivated to work hard for job security and to provide for the needs of our family. Or perhaps it’s for the status that comes from being at the top of our profession.

Whatever it looks like, we offer more when we’re driven by our own motivations.

And this plays out on the home front as well.

For instance, our wife might ask us to do something around the house, or to love her in a particular way. And this is something we can do just to make her happy. But it’s not likely to last until we find our own motivation to do so.

And our motivation might never come from a natural desire per se. Rather, it might be a deeper Yes to bring her joy.

But here again, once we find that part in us motivated to say Yes, we don’t need as many external reminders.

While we can force ourselves to comply with external pressure, true heart transformation doesn’t take place without a level of internal motivation as well.

And this doesn’t mean we wait on our feelings before acting. Many times we must discipline ourselves to do what is right while our feelings play catch up.

But even here, there’s an internal motivation to do what is right even when our feelings might send us in a different direction.

In the end, don’t just go through the motions of life trying to appease others. Find your internal motivation and allow your heart to be truly transformed.

Photo by Ayesh Rathnayakeon Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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