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Many desires and expectations fill our hearts. Some are reasonable while others are not. And, even still, some might be reasonable, but now is simply not a good time for them to be satisfied. It’s okay to be disappointed whenever our desires are not met, but this is not an excuse to sin.

With the Apostle Paul, who instructed us not to sin in our anger, the same would seem to hold true with our disappointment as well. To be sure, we don’t have to pretend we’re happy when we’re not, minimize our grief when we don’t get what we want, nor hide our dissatisfaction merely to keep others from feeling bad.  The problem is not being disappointed, nor in expressing it. The problem comes when we no longer express our disappointment in ways that are loving and kind.

For instance, we don’t get to blame, demean, or otherwise withhold affection from our wife just because we’re unhappy with a decision she’s made. Of course, we’re free to feel however we’re feeling about her decision. But our legitimate feelings are never an excuse to sin. And this includes any attempt to passive-aggressively try to get her back for the choice we don’t like. 

But not making her pay for our feelings doesn’t mean we can’t share them with her, or allow for natural consequences and reactions to take place. For example, we might need a moment to lick our wounds before we reengage. Whatever this looks like, we must continue our practice of love. And this might be a decision to bring her joy and goodness even when this is not fair or reciprocated on her part.

In the end, it’s okay to be disappointed, as many things in this life will let us down. But continue to practice love even when you’re discouraged. Your feelings are never an excuse for sin.

Photo by Bobby King on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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