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Naturally, we look for someone to blame when life doesn’t turn out as we would expect. And perhaps there is plenty of blame to go around – whether we’re suffering at the fault of others or due to our own poor choices. But sometimes there is no one to blame and the difficulties we face are just a normal part of living life in this world.

To be sure, there’s a sense of control that comes with blame. When we know who is at fault then we can hold them responsible and feel more empowered to correct the situation. But when there’s no one to blame this can leave us feeling out of control and vulnerable.

This is hard to accept and so we redouble our efforts to blame others, or even accept the blame ourselves, to reestablish some sense of control through the challenges of life.

And while it’s true a lot of our problems can be traced back to our sins or the sins of others in our life, this is not always the case.

For instance, many marriage problems are simply the result of two people trying to figure out how to do life together. There’s no one to blame for these difficulties; it’s just the nature of the relationship.

Likewise, we might be faced with challenges in finding work/life balance, managing finances through the different seasons of life, and navigating the adventure of parenthood. No one did anything wrong per se for us to face these difficulties; they’re just part of living life.

This is not to suggest we don’t still have a responsibility in how we respond. But it’s not helpful or kind to spend all our energy simply trying to assign blame.

A better approach is staying focused on turning these struggles into opportunities to bring more life and goodness into the world.

In the end, remember some difficulties are simply the normal struggle of life and there’s no one to blame. Keep your eyes focused on bringing the good rather than assigning blame.

Photo by joyce huis on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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