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Generally speaking, men connect through shared activities. This might be our sports, hobbies, or otherwise being on mission together. And the same is true when it comes to sex. Sex is often our shared activity and means of connecting with our wife. 

To be fair, we’re not always able to articulate this. And the prevailing stereotype is that we want sex just for our own pleasure and physical release. And as many wives prefer to connect relationally first, this assumption can be damaging. Our emphasis on the physical can leave them feeling used and reluctant to open up because it seems like we just want their bodies, and not their hearts.  

But, in reality, we often both want connection, we just approach it in different ways. And the shared physical activity of sex is that path for us. 

Of course, personal pleasure and release are motivating factors as well. But we’re left unsatisfied when sex is reduced to just this. We don’t want sex to be ultimately just a checklist or merely going through the motions. 

Our souls crave connection – to be seen, known, and desired in the depths of our being. And sex just happens to provide a profound opportunity for this soul connection we desire. This connection is the deeper desire even if we don’t have the words to express it. 

And this becomes our challenge – to not merely talk about the physical benefits, or to assume our wife just knows it means more to us than “just sex.” We must learn to communicate the deeper meaning sex holds for us – that it’s a means to connect heart and soul to each other and not just for a physical release.  

To be sure, we shortchange the potential of our marriage when we don’t faithfully explore the many ways we can connect.  

In the end, sex is a shared activity that builds our connection as husband and wife. Don’t let this deeper meaning be lost in overemphasizing its physical benefits.  

Photo by mimi lalaa on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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