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We all like the feeling of being of value – to know we have what it takes to be successful and to have something meaningful to offer to others. And this is true even sexually. In fact, this quest for status drives much of our sexual thoughts and behaviors.

Perhaps one of the things we fear the most is being humiliated sexually – for others to perceive us as being naïve, inept, or otherwise dysfunctional.

And so we go to great lengths to prove ourselves as worthy – hiding our insecurities and any perceived shortcomings.

For instance, this is the inexperienced guy who jokes about having a lot of sex to appear more experienced than he really is.

Or perhaps it’s the guy who feels he needs to sleep with a lot of women to try to prove to himself and to others that he’s a real man.

And even the husband who needs his wife to have a certain level of sexual responsiveness, not for her own sake, but more to stroke his own ego to see her respond in such a way.

This is also at heart of much of the fixation on penis size. The question here is not so much one of literal size, but more one of status and knowing we’re man enough.

While this quest for status can take us down many self-centered and prideful roads, the point here is not to deny our desire for status.

We’re hardwired to seek this out – to know we have what it takes and that we too have a place to belong among those that matter most to us.

And this sense of belonging seems to be at the heart of much of our drive for sexual status.

It’s not that we’re always trying to be better than the next guy per se.

Rather it’s the desire to know that we too belong to the company of men that are sexually competent, virile, and successful. And that we too have what it takes to love passionately through our embodied selves.

We tend to remain sexually immature and desperate when this status is not realized in mature and honorable ways.

In the end, your sexual status is important. Stay open to all the ways God validates your value, worth, and belonging, even as a sexual being.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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