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We all want to know we matter, we’re desired, and that we have what it takes to accomplish the tasks of life. But all too often we become so desperate in receiving this validation from others that we’ve made our need for validation an idol.

To be sure, we learn who we are from others.

For instance, a baby needs the loving gaze of his parents to validate who he is. But there comes a point in which the child learns and no longer needs this constant reassurance.

It’s not that he no longer desires his parent’s regular blessing. But as he grows he becomes freer to move and live without needing to stay attached to his parents’ apron strings as it were.

As adults, we’re prone to attach our apron strings to others when we’ve been wounded, or the questions of our heart have been left unanswered.

We’re desperate for someone, anyone, to tell us we’re worthy of love and belonging.

And often this desperation comes off as being needy and we place an unfair burden on those we’re in relationship with.

Even when they try their best, there remains a God spot in our souls that only he can fill. And we must take the deep questions of our heart to him. His divine gaze is the only one that truly validates us.

Of course, this divine validation often comes through others, but we must learn to accept it within ourselves first.

When we’re unable to accept God’s truth we’re unable to freely accept what others offer. Regardless of what they say or do we constantly need their reassurance.

But we’re able to freely accept their affirmations as we learn to accept our true self and worth before God.

Don’t desperately grasp for validation from others. Learn to live in the freedom and confidence of God’s truth of who you are.

Photo by Zach Vessels on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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