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We make countless decisions each day. And, whether conscious or not, these decisions are driven by our deeper motivations. While explaining every choice we make would quickly become exhausting, it’s helpful to regularly share the why behind our what when we’re trying to maintain a meaningful connection with each other. 

To be sure, just sharing the facts is efficient and effective in many situations. But in our personal relationships we’re generally looking for connection and not merely facts. And we’re able to connect with each other’s heart when we know why something is important. 

This is not to defend our position as if we were in a courtroom. It’s simply to share the motivations of our heart to allow others to connect with us in a more meaningful way. 

For instance, we might share why we want to make certain purchases, spend time in certain activities, or even simply why we want to do nothing at all. 

Whatever it looks like, sharing the why behind our what allows the other to see more of our heart and understand our motivations. And this opens the door for meaningful connection even if they disagree with our decision. 

Often our challenge is that we don’t know our own motivations. And so it’s not that we’re holding back or unwilling to share per se, but rather that we’ve not yet taken the time to consider what’s driving our choices. 

And it’s easier to dismiss these considerations and just stick with the facts of what we’re doing rather than digging deeper into our heart. But this leaves us disconnected from each other. And in marriage, for example, this puts us on the path of becoming mere roommates rather than intimate allies. 

In the end, learn to share the why behind your what – not to defensively explain yourself, but rather to allow others to connect with your deep heart.

Photo by JD Chow on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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