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They tell us the best places to eat, which cars and houses we should purchase, how to vote, and even which opinions we should hold. The They could be anybody from our wife, parents, friends, church, media, government, or the like who recommends how we should live our life. And we’re operating from our They-Self whenever They are the primary determining factor in the choices we make.

For instance, this might be our tendency to go along with whatever They say because we like them and we don’t want to rock the boat. Or we might do the opposite – going left simply because They said to go right. We might also spend our energy fighting against the They – a desperate need to constantly prove why They are wrong and we are right.

But whether we cave in, run away, or blow up, we’re still functioning from our They-Self because our reaction is in direct response to the They rather than being determined by our own guiding principles.

To be sure, the They offer much wisdom and there’s no need to try to figure out life on our own. But we remain responsible for filtering their suggestions through God’s truth and the core values that guide our life.

As such, we might decide to go along with them because their suggestions are consistent with who God has called us to be. This is no longer blind appeasement, but an informed decision. Likewise, we might step away from a situation because it’s not ours to own. While we’re no longer merely running away when things heat up, we can freely take our leave whenever the time is right. In the same way, there are some things worth fighting for. But now we’re fighting for things that are noble and good, and no longer just for our own pride and ego.

The They are constantly changing and we’re left drifting in the wind whenever we try to keep up with their expectations.

In the end, wisely consider what They are suggesting while remaining grounded in your own guiding principles. This is the path toward maturity – growing out of your They-Self and more and more into who God has called you to be.

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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