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Sex comes in many different flavors, with some more adventurous than others. And while we don’t want to settle for mechanical or otherwise boring sex, a satisfying sex life doesn’t depend on always spicing things up in the usual sense. Vanilla is a flavor that can be enjoyed in its own right. 

To be fair, many of us have grown lazy in cultivating our sexual lives and have allowed our encounters to become stale and lackluster. We simply go through the motions to scratch an itch, if we continue being sexual with each other at all. This is not a mark of true sexual faithfulness

But a vibrant and fulfilling sex life doesn’t require us to go wild and swing from the chandeliers as it were. 

While we’re free to spice things up as we so desire, we don’t have to discount the simple joys of vanilla either. Vanilla is a flavor with its own depth and complexity, nuance and texture. And its rich subtle flavor can be tantalizingly pleasing on its own. 

As such, there might not be a lot of variation in our encounters. And our dance might be relatively simple. But this doesn’t mean it can’t still have passion, depth, and meaning. 

The heart we bring to the encounter is what makes the difference. And when we’re just putting body parts together we’ve settled for the cheap imitation vanilla and not the real thing. But we bring out the depth and richness of vanilla when our dance is an expression of our deep heart, regardless of how plain and simple it might be otherwise. 

In fact, our attempts to spice things up can still leave us with shallow and disconnected encounters without the depths of our soul present. 

In the end, the flavor of your sexual encounter doesn’t matter as much as the heart you bring to it. And it’s okay to enjoy vanilla in its own right when it’s an expression of your deep heart. 

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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