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Marriage changes things. Before we were our own man and could more or less do our own thing. And our wife could do the same. But afterwards, we not only have to care for each other individually, but also this new entity of the marriage itself.

All too often we bring our immaturity and selfishness into the marriage. We see the relationship primarily as a means to meet our needs and make us happy. And we grow increasingly frustrated when this doesn’t happen.

Perhaps then we mature a bit and eventually adopt a live and let live approach to the marriage – each free to do their own thing without the constant pressure or unmet expectations from the other.

And this at least gives a measure of peace, as there is less demanding and nagging taking place.

But in the end, this approach often leaves us as mere roommates – living parallel lives, splitting the bills, and dividing up the household responsibilities somewhat equally.

While perhaps tolerable, it neglects the marriage itself and misses God’s idea of two becoming one.

Marriage is much more than two people who happen to live together. A new entity is created. It’s no longer just me and you, but also now us.

And this requires a different mindset in how we show up and do life.

For example, regardless of who earns what, it’s no longer my money or your money, but now our money.

And decisions are made for the best interest of the marriage and not just for what we want for ourselves.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we lose ourselves in the marriage. There’s still a place to honor our personal interests and desires. But this is never an excuse to neglect our duty and responsibility to the marriage itself.

Don’t forget the we-ness of your marriage. This oneness is needed to accomplish all that God has for us.

Photo by William Rouse on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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