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Our wounds matter and should never be downplayed or quickly dismissed. All the same, healing allows us to eventually let go of the hurt and pain of the past. And we run the risk of making our wounds an idol when we don’t actively engage in the process of forgiveness.

There’s a satisfying sense of justice to have the wrongs against us acknowledged and cared for. This helps to reaffirm our worth and value – that we matter enough for the situation to be addressed and corrected.

But in receiving this attention, pride can quickly sneak in and make us addicted to it. We like the other being in our debt and we’re in no rush to forgive.

In fact, our wound might become a defining part of our identity. We are The Betrayed, The Forgotten, The Disrespected, or the like. And our story is now told from this perspective.

Forgiveness means we’re no longer holding someone’s past sins against them. This is not turning a blind eye or pretending their wrongs don’t still have consequences.

But it is no longer using their sins as a weapon against them or keeping them perpetually in our debt. We release them of what they owe us and open the door again for relational unity.

But perhaps one of our biggest challenges is also letting go of the Wounded Self identity we’ve adopted. It’s become so normal thatit’s hard to imagine not having this identity anymore.

And this is rarely a conscious choice. On the surface, there’s nothing pleasant about being the one hurt.

But somewhere deep in our souls this identity has become an idol – what we look to for life and meaning apart from God.

Forgive others and let go of your attachment to your wounded identity. There’s much more to you than the wrongs against you.

Photo by Sam Rios on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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