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Love is not for the faint of heart. And the intensity of marriage makes this all the more true. Certainly it’s easier to love when we’re both equally committed to doing our part. And ideally this is the case. But Christ loved us while we were still in our sins. And it was his fierce love for us that eventually freed our hearts. This is the love we’re called to give as well.

To be sure, it’s reasonable to expect in marriage mutual efforts in our practice of love. And more often than not, this should be the case, or, at least, the ideal we’re striving toward. But the love Christ showed to us reminds us that love is not always a two-way street. And there are times in which we must still choose to love our wife even when she’s not being loving toward us per se.  

Christ remained committed to fiercely loving us even as he was being mocked, spat upon, and killed. He laid down his life so that we might be washed and made whole. And this is how we ought to love our wives.

We’re not waiting on ideal conditions of mutuality. Even when she’s full of contempt toward us, or otherwise being harsh, demeaning, and dismissive, we love anyway. This is not to excuse her, but rather to simply focus on our duty to love. And as we commit to offering her our strength time and time and time again, God can use our fierce love to free her heart and release her beauty. And this is how she longs to be loved – to know she will still be passionately chosen even when she’s not at her best.

Of course, it will take God’s grace for us to love her in this way. But he empowers us to do just this.

In the end, follow the example of Christ and offer your fierce love as often as necessary to your wife – bringing out the best in her, even when she’s not doing the same.

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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