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A good story must be told more than once. And the deep movements of our heart also require more than one sharing. To fully appreciate our rich complexity we must ask again.

It is easy to keep conversations on a surface level.

We may talk about work or the latest current events. We may even ask how each other are doing, while only expecting the customary response of “fine.”

And for most of our relationships, this is fine. We cannot go into the deep places of everyone’s story and give it the care it deserves.

At the same time, in those relationships in which we are seeking to foster a deeper connection, we must go beyond such casual interactions.

How is your heart these days?

This question requires more than five minutes to answer. And likely even more than a quick get-together for lunch.

These are certainly good starts, but the movements of the heart cannot be rushed. It takes time to allow those deep places within us to emerge.

Moreover, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made, our hearts have many complex nuances that will require more than one hearing to be fully expressed.

Without taking anything away from our courageous first efforts at deep heart connecting, we must go there again.

Tell me again about . . .

In order to fully know and honor each other’s stories, we must ask again and again to hear the story.

We cannot assume we know all there is about someone because we have heard his story once. This is only the beginning.

Certainly, create the space to hear the story the first time, and then ask again. And again.

Continue to enter deeply into the nuance and complexity, the mystery of each other’s souls.

As we keep asking, we forge ever deeper connections that soon overflow with much goodness and joy.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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