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We have a tendency to focus on changes others can make to improve our life and relationships. And we might even be very willing to help them make these changes. But often we’re still hiding behind our good intentions and have not yet dared to share our own heart.

It’s only natural to make reasonable requests for change when we see something lacking in our relationships.

But then it’s very confusing why our relationship might still slowly stall out. We don’t understand why our reasonable requests hit a brick wall.

It’s possible we’ve remained in self-protective mode while placing the burden of change on the other.

While it’s our request, the focus remains on the other and we’ve not yet shared our deep heart.

And with the deep desires of our heart strategically hidden, our reasonable requests start to feel like manipulation to the other  – a request not ultimately for their good but for our own comfort and ease.

Daring to share our heart first puts all of this in a much different context.

This is vulnerable and risky, which is why it’s not often our first move.

But what is it that our heart truly desires? What do we want independent of other people making changes? 

As we’re able to name our deep desires for love and connection, acceptance and grace, respect, support, appreciation, freedom and the like, we create a space for mutual understanding.

Hiding, even behind our good intentions for the other, blocks the potential of our relationship and opens the door for much frustration.

Take the risk and dare to share your open heart – a meaningful first step toward lasting change.

Photo by Mason Hassoun on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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