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We hold many deep desires in our hearts, often unspoken even to ourselves. But it still seems personal when these desires are withheld from us. We must learn how to actively honor our desires without blaming or making others responsible for them. 

For instance, we all want to be seen and affirmed, chosen, included, and the like. But we each have our own language of desire – expressing and receiving what we want in our own unique ways. And often we miss each other – assuming others communicate their desire in the same way we do. 

This can leave us feeling rejected, dismissed, and misunderstood. And it’s tempting in these moments to blame others for holding out on us. But rarely is this personal. And they’re likely unaware of the pain we’re experiencing. 

Rather than assuming others know how to love us in each moment, we have the responsibility to share our desires and teach them how to love us. And we do this without blame. 

It serves no one to let bitterness and resentment grow in our heart due to unfulfilled desires that could be easily met if only expressed. And blame puts others on the defense and keeps us from our desires as well. 

To be sure, proactively sharing our desires is vulnerable. We don’t know how the other will respond, which is why we’re prone to either hide or blame. But most people in our life want to love us well – knowing and caring for the deep desires of our heart. 

It’s still a risk to share our hearts so openly. But love is worth this risk. 

We allow our hearts to grow hard and our relationships cold and distant when we neglect our desires or make others ultimately responsible for them. 

In the end, the deep desires of your heart are important and should be actively honored. But you remain responsible for sharing your heart and not blaming others when your desires are not met. 

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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