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We frustrate ourselves when we set unrealistic expectations. And there’s much wisdom in accepting the good enough of life. But we invite deep resentment and regret when we compromise and settle for whatever we can get.

It’s easy to give up and settle whenever our jobs, relationships, or the like do not turn out as we had initially hoped.

The sting of disappointment is not something we want to repeat and we soon start telling ourselves stories to make sense of everything.

Perhaps we assume we just wanted too much and that it’s best not to be greedy. Or maybe we conclude our heart’s desires are mere wishful thinking, possibly meant for others but not for us.

And it often seems best in these moments to take whatever comes along.

For instance, it might be a dead end job, but at least it pays the bills. And even if there’s no shared vision in the relationship, at least it’s not toxic. 

But something inside starts to die whenever we give up on what’s important and settle for our lowest expectations.

To be sure, we might need to dial back any unrealistic desires. And it’s often hard to know what to dial back without completely giving up on.

But when we settle for whatever we can get we’re compromising our integrity and this adds an extra strain and weariness to our souls.

We know there’s more to us and in quiet moments we feel the deep conviction of selling out on our values.

We might continue in quiet resignation, or, eventually, blindside others as we take out our hurt, pain, and disappointments on them.

Passively settling creates a no-win situation for everyone involved.

Even in times of intentional sacrifice, there’s a deeper yes we’re agreeing to and not merely settling.

Hold on to what’s important and do not settle. Your soul’s vitality depends on it.

Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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