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Part of love is bringing out the best in each other – affirming, blessing, and celebrating who God has created us to be. And this includes who we are as males and females and the soul sexiness God has given each of us. Righteous flirting then becomes a means by which we can encourage and build each other up within this dance of the sexes. 

All too often, flirting is done with a finite game in mind – a way to essentially manipulate the other for our own selfish gain. The attention we give is more to stroke our ego than to affirm and bless the other.

Righteous flirting, on the other hand, plays the infinite game of giving attention for the purpose of connecting and building each other up. It’s not focused on what we can get from the encounter, but rather how we can inspire each other to reflect more of God’s glory even as embodied sexual beings. 

Certainly, this can be done with our wife as we use our masculine strength to affirm her feminine beauty. We can regularly show our delight with her feminine heart and the many ways in which her very presence comforts, inspires, and nourishes the souls of all those around. 

But such flirting doesn’t have to be limited to our wife. In fact, aspects can be present in both our relationships with women and men throughout our life. 

For example, this might be noticing and affirming how the sons and daughters in our life are reflecting the heart of God through all their boyish ways or feminine wiles. We can also relish in the special care and attention present in relationships with the fathers and mothers in our life. Likewise, we can bless the particular radiance of our sisters, even as we acknowledge when our brothers have been working out or growing an impressive beard, for instance. 

Whatever it looks like, flirting has sexual overtones in that it’s related to who God has created us to be as embodied men and women. At the same time, it becomes righteous flirting when we give our attention for the purpose of relating and building each other up. 

In the end, God has created us as males and females. And righteous flirting is simply a way to affirm, bless, and enjoy this dance of the sexes he has given us. 

Photo by DISRUPTIVO on Unsplash


In honor of my mentor and friend, Dr. Doug Rosenau (1947 -2022), who first taught me this concept.


Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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