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Our story doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Many of the issues we face today stem from many previous decisions. And often we remain frustrated expecting different results until we get to the root causes of what led us to where we are today.

For instance, many of our ongoing marital disagreements can be traced back to earlier events. Fights about money, for example, often go much deeper than the actual dollar amounts.

Money carries its own meaning for each of us that influences how we use it. And we will likely keep having the same fights until we understand our differences and how to navigate them.

And the stories we tell ourselves about money probably started in childhood and shaped by our parents’ relationship with it as well.

This is why it’s important to know our history.

Without neglecting the immediate issues right in front of us, it’s helpful to also consider – How did we get here?

Until we can back up and see a fuller picture we often don’t have the perspective needed to make lasting changes.

It’s easy, for example, to condemn men for their many sexual sins. And certainly they should be held accountable. But a deeper dive reveals many men have suffered from sexual neglect – no one providing direct guidance on what it means to be a sexual man.

This doesn’t excuse our behaviors. But it does help us to get to the root causes. And guilt and shame doesn’t bring the change that’s needed. We need more teachers and role models to show us the way.

Whatever it looks like, when unfavorable fruit is being produced we must go upstream to discover how we got here in the first place.

Take the time needed to discover the root causes to the problems in your life and relationships. This allows you to see a fuller picture and make lasting changes.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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