Our fights and disagreements are not always with the person we think they’re with. When a loved one attacks us is often their hurt and pain speaking and not their true self. And we must see beneath their pain to love their true heart.

It’s hard not to take it personally when someone is laying into us. We naturally take them at face value and assume their problem is with us.

But a lot of what people project onto us is more about their own pain and suffering than about us.

To be fair, there are times when we are in the wrong and their criticism is warranted. We do well in these moments to simply acknowledge our wrongs and actively seek to make them right.

But there’s often more going on than what meets the eye when we’re blamed for things not our fault.

And rarely is this conscious as we all tend of have more happening beneath the waterline than what we’re aware of.

Knowing this, our challenge is to see beneath their surface expressions to their true self.

We’re more prone to blow up, cave in, and run away when we have unhealed hurts lingering in our soul. And rarely are these responses our truest desires or deepest needs.

Though he did no wrong, Jesus endured the cross for our sakes – seeing beyond our sins and shortcomings to our need. And we’re called to follow in his footsteps.

We must stay grounded in who God has called us to be in order to offer this service of love.

But, as we endure, we create the space for the other to eventually sit with their deep wounds and move toward healing.

See beneath the hurt, pain, and blame to the true heart in the other. They still desire love and belonging even when their pain doesn’t express it well.

Photo by Taras Abbat on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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