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Of course, we want to extend understanding and compassion to anyone who has been harmed by the many unfair circumstances of life. Many things have happened to us that are not our fault. But this doesn’t negate our responsibility in choosing how we respond. Still, being responsible doesn’t mean we’re to blame.

The blame game is nothing new. And often we play it by blaming others for the outcomes in our life. But sometimes we play in the reverse and simply become offended when we feel others are blaming us for the things in our life that are not our fault. And perhaps this version of the game is harder to detect.

While on the surface we’re rightly crying out for compassion and mercy regarding the things that have happened to us, when we’re not careful we quickly move from being a victim to playing the victim – hiding behind legitimate wounds of the past as a way to still avoid taking responsibility for our actions today.

And any reminder that we still have the freedom to make choices for our life feels like blame. This is not something we can tolerate and so we redouble our efforts to show why the things happening to us are not our fault.

A better approach is remembering multiple things can be true at the same time. And exercising our freedom of choice today is not to blame us for what happened beforehand. It’s not our fault. And we’re still responsible for our life today.

We stay stuck in a cycle of blame whenever we don’t accept the responsibility we do have for our own life.

To be sure, there’s no need to accept blame for things that are not your fault. But being responsible for your choices today is not blaming you for what happened before. It’s not your fault, and you’re still responsible.

Photo by Abdullah Arain on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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