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It seems rare that we examine our sexual stories in a meaningful way. Perhaps we ruminate over past sins or become keenly aware of our desire for deeper satisfaction today. But often we don’t stop to consider the history that has shaped our sexual character to this point, or the vision and blueprint needed to continue moving toward our potential.

To be sure, we all have a sexual history, with some more colorful than others. But, either way, it’s tempting not to reflect much on this story. We cannot change the past and so we assume there’s little benefit of reviewing these earlier chapters.

But examining our story is not to change the past, cast blame on others, or even to necessarily fix the immediate problems of today. Reflecting on our story simply helps us to see our sexual life in a larger context and become more curious about what God might be up to.

Looking back allows us to make connections and see themes. And this might, for example, help us to see how our personal sins and struggles are connected to larger themes of sexual neglect and other assaults on our sexuality. We might also rediscover many of our original desires that were lost or otherwise misapplied over the years.

In either case, examining our sexual story is not just about looking back. Our story is not over yet and we’re also called to consider who we’re becoming. But even here, we live in story and we need to know what story we’re telling to cast a compelling vision to move toward.

We miss much of the depth, richness, and impact available sexually when our story remains unexamined. And this is a journey often best taken with our trusted others to help ensure we interpret it from God’s reality and not our own limited blind spots. 

In the end, your sexual story matters. Thoroughly examine it and discover more of the freedom, passion, and love available.

Photo by Camilla Carvalho on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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