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Some expectations are reasonable, while others are not. And we’re not always aware of the stories we tell ourselves in setting our expectations too high or too low. But it’s in holding realistic sexual expectations that we get to experience more joy and freedom in our dance.

Our thoughts and imaginations are greatly influenced by the culture around us. And this sets our expectations as well. For instance, we reasonably expect to eat a certain diet based on the culture in which we live. And our tastes and preferences develop accordingly. And the same is true when it comes to sex.

The movies we watch, the music we listen to, and even the porn we consumed years ago all shape our imagination and expectations – often unconsciously.

For example, sometimes we’ve developed an expectation for movie quality sex that real life simply cannot compete with. And we’re left disappointed when our sex life doesn’t seem to have the same magic, fireworks, and ease that we see on the screen. And because this is the culture we live in, we tend to take our desires for granted, and it seems odd not to want what we want.

The point here is not to throw the baby out with the bath water. And sometimes our expectations are attempting to cast a higher vision and move us closer toward God’s potential for us. But it’s important to be aware of and intentional about the expectations we set – setting them neither too high nor too low.

We miss the mark when we demand certain expressions that rob each other of our uniqueness and dignity. But also when we settle for just putting body parts together and not maturing into the fullness of our sexual selves.

Consider carefully the expectations you have set. And adjust them as needed to bring about God’s best.

Photo by Carly Rae Hobbins on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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