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We tend to take our way of being for granted, including our style of communicating with others. And we might even inadvertently hold our position with pride – looking down on others who prefer to communicate in a different way. This can become particularly challenging in marriage – hindering our ability to effectively resolve conflicts and fully enjoy our oneness. It then becomes our duty to enter the world of our wife and learn to speak her language, as this is the example set by Christ himself.

Through the Incarnation, Christ didn’t just enter into our world, he spoke in a way we were able to receive. And this is how we’re to love our wife as well.

For instance, this might mean softening our approach when our words are otherwise too harsh, or being more direct when she needs clarity rather than our usual beating around the bush. We might also have to brush up on our writing skills when she’s better able to express her heart through written communication, or our verbal skills when face-to-face dialogue is where she thrives. Whatever it looks like, we’re intentionally considering the language and style of communication that most resonates with her deep heart.

Of course, this is not to give up our own. And certainly there are times in which her learning our language is also beneficial. But, in the meantime, we don’t allow things to stagnate in our marriage because of our miscommunications. And this happens when we assume our way is right and don’t take the time to see things from her point of view. Perhaps the content of our disagreements become less of an issue when we can move closer to the same style and language of communicating.

In the end, humble your pride and learn to speak to your wife in a language she is able to receive. This is how we follow the example of Christ even in marriage. 

Photo by cottonbro studio  on Pexels

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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