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There is much joy in connecting with kindred souls. However, we frustrate ourselves and our relationships when we assume being together means we must do everything the same.

Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

Unity is not sameness.

In fact, unity assumes bringing together diverse elements – whether uniting the diverse States of America, our various body parts into one body, or husband and wife in marriage.

Finding common ground does not eliminate differences. And our differences actually enrich and serve us, allowing our relationship to flourish.

This is particularly helpful to remember in marriage.

Assuming the need for sameness, we might give up our interests for the sake of our wife and the marriage. We might feel guilty for hanging out with our friends, pursuing a personal hobby, or taking a solo retreat.

If our wife cannot participate with us, we believe the honorable thing to do is to give it up.

On the other hand, working under the same assumption, we might demand she go along with our interests. We now feel angry when she does not want to participate in the same things we do.

If our wife does not join us, we might feel offended or disrespected.

A better way is to allow for our differences.

Your wife has thoughts, desires, and interests that are uniquely hers. These are not better or less than yours. They are simply different, and part of how God has designed her.

The same is true with your thoughts, desires, and interests.

We dishonor God’s craftsmanship of us when we try to force ourselves into a mold of sameness.

Honoring our differences honors God and the unique ways he has created us.

Humbly hold on to your differences.

Let them refine and enrich your relationship, pushing you toward the best version of yourselves.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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