We’re often attracted to those with a lot of charisma and outward success. And these individuals often leverage a lot of influence. But it’s all just a house of cards that quickly crumbles when a solid character is not at the foundation. And cultivating our inner virtue has a lasting impact far beyond the shallow impressions of a big personality. 

Of course, part of us enjoys being seen and admired. But all too often we settle for things that merely inflate our ego rather than reflect the true depths of our soul. As such, it’s often easier to simply play the part we believe people expect of us rather than to become a man of true substance and character. 

For instance, we might know how to charm others with all the right words and gestures, but cannot come through for them when it matters most. And this has been the downfall of many marriages, for example. While we might have been attracted to each other’s personalities, the marriage doesn’t have a solid foundation to build on when we don’t also bring a substantive character to the table. 

Developing character is simply forming in our heart and soul the enduring virtues that are true, good, and beautiful. For example, we’re honest and courageous, compassionate and kind, loyal and forgiving. We know how to remain persistent in the face of adversity, resist blind conformity, and always respect the dignity of others. 

Whatever it looks like, such character is rarely flashy, popular, or easy in the moment. As such, it’s tempting to continue hiding behind the charm of our personalities. But this also makes us more fragile and dependent on the fleeting opinions of others – unable to tolerate any situation that’s not immediately stroking our egos. 

In the end, don’t confuse a big personality with true character. The substance of character lasts long after the charm of our personalities fades.

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Dr. Corey Carlisle

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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