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We all like being affirmed in various ways and this is often expressed through different types of compliments. But many times we settle for giving generic compliments that tend to fall flat. Upgrading our compliments gives them an extra dose of power and effectiveness – leaving the recipient feeling seen and deeply loved.

For example, even as young boys we learned to compliment the women in our life – telling our mom or teacher, for instance, that she looked pretty. And we often then brought this style and level of compliments into our marriage as well – regularly telling our wife that she’s attractive and looks good.

And certainly there’s nothing wrong with these compliments by themselves. But many times there’s still a desire for something a bit more.

Upgrading our compliments, even in this physical arena, might include naming the particular things we find attractive and beautiful in our wife.

What specifically do you like about her dress? Is it the color or the way it highlights her feminine form? Or perhaps it’s simply the way she radiates in it that stirs your heart toward her and makes you smile.

Whatever it is, it’s naming these particulars that upgrades the compliment.

And expanding beyond the physical, it’s noticing and highlighting those things she does particularly well.

For instance, this might be affirming her unique insights and gifts in a given area, the way she cares for others, or how she fiercely fights for the wellbeing of our family. And here again, naming the specifics goes a long way.

There’s also great value in letting her know just how much the particulars we’re naming mean to us. Here, we’re not just affirming what she does, but also sharing how it affects us personally.

There are few compliments that compare to knowing we’ve deeply touched someone’s heart and soul.

To be sure, upgrading our compliments can also play out with our kids, friends, coworkers, and the like.

In the end, don’t let the goodness of your heart be diminished. Allow your deep love to be experienced by upgrading your compliments.

Photo by Lauren Richmond on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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