We love having things our way, right away. And it’s irritating dealing with the demands, expectations, and burdens of others. But it’s through these hassles that we grow and are refined into our best selves.
As babies, we are the center of our universe. From our perspective, everything exists to meet our needs and provide for our comforts.
We grow out of most of this as we age, realizing other people also exist and have their own needs and desires. However, some of our selfishness and desires for unrestricted living remains.
For example, we grow frustrated at traffic jams and long lines because part of us still expects hassle free experiences. Others are interfering with our plans and the flow of our day.
This plays out in relationships as well.
Whether socially, sexually, emotionally, or otherwise, part of us expects the other to simply do things our way, right away.
And while we may not be so bold to say this directly, the bitterness and resentment of having our plans disrupted exposes our hearts.
Wanting things our way is not the problem. This should be enjoyed whenever possible.
The problem comes when our desires are placed as a demand on others and we treat them as if they exist only to meet our needs.
The practice of love calls us to remember the interests of others and not just ourselves.
Hassles then serve as reminders – What are the interests of others in this moment? And how can I view others with the eyes of love, rather than as mere obstacles to what I want?
Hassles are part of our resistance training – they challenge us and invite us to call on the best version of ourselves.
We grow as mature men when we can delay instant gratification and endure hassles in caring for the interests of others.
Our growth in love is worth the hassle.