We’re easily enchanted by the charm of something new. It’s promised potential speaks to the deep desires of our heart – perhaps this is finally what we’ve waited so long for. And it’s hard then not to lose heart when we become disenchanted as the newness wears off.

We naturally try to put our best foot forward when meeting someone new. And even new guests into our home or at church might get special treatment that regular members do not. And much of this is just human nature, as there’s no malicious attempt to deceive or otherwise put on false pretenses. All the same, we’re often left disappointed when we’re no longer blinded by the newness, and we can now see the many spots and blemishes present. The excitement has worn off and things are now rather ordinary and mundane

In marriage, this is called coming out of the honeymoon phase. But it can also be true with new jobs, friendships, church communities, social issues and the like. In fact, it’s normal and expected in nearly every relationship. 

Of course, this doesn’t make it any less disheartening when it happens. But with a proper perspective we can weather this let down and not let it cause us to give up prematurely. We might find ourselves always chasing the next shiny new thing when we don’t. 

To be fair, sometimes disenchantment exposes real issues that need to be addressed, or confirms our time together was just for a season and not for a lifetime. And we don’t have to delay in making the necessary adjustments when this is the case. 

But we miss much of the rich goodness available when we don’t give ourselves the chance to practice love beyond our disenchantment. In many ways, this is when true love begins. 

In the end, don’t lose heart when you’re no longer enchanted by the allure of newness. While not pleasant in the moment, this disenchantment is often the path toward deeper love and radical acceptance

Photo by Dietmar Becker on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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