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There are many different tones of sex. And while perhaps many times it is spontaneous, passionate, and playful, there are other times in which maintenance sex also has its place.

To be sure, there’s always more to sex than just sex. A mysterious oneness takes place even when it’s beyond our conscious awareness or intention.

This is part of its design to help us bond and become one in marriage.

And, in fact, couples who don’t regularly connect sexually often start to feel more disconnected from each other. They might still partner well in parenting and the rest of life, but their unique bond as husband and wife begins to deteriorate.

Criticism and contempt also become more likely.

At it’s best, sex functions as a type of lubricant minimizing the normal frictions of marital life.

Disagreements, misunderstandings, and many disappointments are a regular part of life together. But it’s much easier to navigate these when we also share many moments of joy, delight, and ecstasy with each other.

And this is the benefit of maintenance sex – it helps us to maintain our connection and bonds of affection with each other through the many ups and downs of life.

We might not always be “in the mood” or have the energy to engage in our ideal encounters when life is busy and we’re pulled in many different directions.

But we show up and connect anyway – doing it simply because it needs to be done.

And even when this is routine and perhaps lackluster, the spiritual reality of our oneness is still taking place and we’re opening the door for our hearts to be refreshed as well, even if just for a moment.

Like preventive maintenance on our vehicle, maintenance sex helps to prevent us from drifting apart, and from allowing the seeds of bitterness to take root in our hearts.

Of course, our marriage cannot thrive on maintenance sex alone.

But learn to incorporate it to maintain a strong foundation for your marriage throughout the many changing and often difficult seasons of life.

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Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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