We each have our own perspective. And eventually this leads to disagreements. There may even be many internal battles within ourselves. We must fight for what matters and let go of the rest.

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Some things are worth fighting for. And some things are not.

And we can avoid many frustrations by making a distinction between our preferences and our convictions.

Preferences are those things we would like to see happen but are not necessarily deal breakers.

For example, we might prefer to eat at our favorite restaurant or to engage in certain forms of sexual expression.

While these are our preferences, there are still many other restaurants and forms of expression we can freely enjoy. Our preferences do not limit our options.

On the other hand, convictions are our deeply held beliefs. And these cannot be given up without compromising our integrity.

For instance, we might commit to following a certain diet or maintaining an active sex life.

And as convictions, these are hills we’re willing to die on – making a very clear distinction between what’s okay and not okay with us.

Fights that matter are the ones in which our convictions are on the line.

Certainly it’s okay to passionately debate our preferences. We can learn a lot about ourselves and each other through our various likes and dislikes.

But preferences should never cost us the relationship. A preference is not that important.

However, convictions might be a deal breaker. And we must prayerfully discern if what we’re holding on to is ultimately an expression of our loyalty to God.

In the end, preferences we hold loosely and convictions we hold tightly.

Fight for what matters – keeping a needed distinction between your preferences and your convictions.

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024

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