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The mechanics of sex are fairly easy to figure out. Everyday horny teenagers find a way to put body parts together. What’s more difficult and requires more maturity is sexual wholeness – bringing together our spirits, souls, and bodies, our hearts, minds, and wills into the expression of our sexual selves.

Our first sexual expressions tend to be rather shallow. While our bodies are sexually mature, who we are in heart and soul is still coming online. And it simply takes time to learn how to bring the fullness of our being into the encounter.

But more damaging than our natural seasons of immaturity and growth, are our sexual sins. Here we become divided men. Our actions are not consistent with who we want to be and who we’re trying to become, grieving our own spirit, not to mention God’s.

Even still, once we’ve matured a bit in the rest of life and experience increasing victory over our temptations, sexual wholeness is not a given.

All too often sex remains focused on surface techniques, positions, and thrills.

There’s nothing wrong with spicing things up in these ways. But it should not be confused with sexual wholeness.

In the end, sexual wholeness is about who we are and how we show up as embodied beings. And perhaps more to the point, the integration of our entire self is present in and through our sexual expressions.

We’re not just flesh and blood letting horniness get the best of us. But nor do we pretend to be disembodied and ignore the sexual surging we feel.

Likewise, our bodies are not merely going through the motions while our hearts, minds, and wills are elsewhere.

Sexual wholeness is about bringing everything together.

And as we grow here, we stay on the light side of the sexual force rather than the dark side, which ultimately brings death and separation to ourselves and others.

Don’t settle for mere mechanics and cheap thrills. Learn to bring together all that you are and experience sexual wholeness. This opens the door for deep and passionate love.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Dr. Corey Carlisle

Licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist - providing Christian counseling and soul care to individuals and couples, with a special emphasis on developing the masculine soul. Suwanee, GA 30024


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