Men, Sex, and Shame – Part 2

“A problem cannot be resolved until it has been faced.” –Dr. Dan Allender Is it possible that everyone, male and female, young and old, has been sexually abused? Would this help explain the prevalence of sexual shame for men? Sexual abuse can be defined as any behavior, attitude, or response that hinders normal sexual development. Our […]

Men, Sex, and Shame – Part 1

“Men are visual, right? So I have a hard time believing my husband when he says pornography is not about the makeup, firm bodies, and sexy lingerie. And I just can’t compete with that.” While it is true that men are wired to be keenly aware of visual clues, their desire to see often goes […]

Sexual Coaching

Want to start an argument? Ask a football fan who is the greatest quarterback of all time. Many considerations go into defining a great player and fans will often passionately disagree on who holds this honor. However, these players all do share something in common. They had a team and they had a coach. A […]

Unapologetically Sexual

“Among men I was interested to find a great deal of embarrassment about the sexual themes and perspectives familiar to commercial pornography. I discovered that many, perhaps most, men purchase pornography not for the particular images of women or of sex found there, but because they enjoy the unapologetic sexual focus unique to that world.” […]

Masculine Initiation

For most of human history, in every age and culture, boys were initiated into manhood through some sort of ritual. This points to a deep need in the development of the masculine soul, going beyond mere cultural custom or religious duty. For boys to become men they need to be called out by a community […]

Forging a Masculine Community

Whether we like to admit it or not men need each other. It is in the community of men that we learn what it means to be a man and how to function in society. While this looks different in each culture and generation, it is still true that masculinity bestows masculinity. In every society […]

Porn and the Hairy Wild Man

Does porn (or prostitution, affairs, and other forms of illicit sex) serve as a poor attempt to access the wild, hairy side of our sexual selves, a quest for heighten levels of eroticism that are deemed inappropriate for the niceness and tameness of marital sexuality and societal expectations? It is the mask of pseudo-intimacy and quasi-eroticism that removes the possibility of being seen. In combating porn, is it possible then that […]